I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
