At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
