Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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