I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
