if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
