Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
