I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Randomize
