i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
