4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
