I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
