i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I believe in your delicious
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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