i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
