We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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