He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
