How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
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