So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
