quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
