; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
i need some magic done to my vagina
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
