i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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