shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
