i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Randomize
