We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
