Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
