Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
