brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
