do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
