i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Found your dick twin last night
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
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