Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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