ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
