I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
