Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
