I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
