sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
