that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
