***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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