Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
