I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
