The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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