She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
