I wish I could teleport
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I have so many feelings about this burrito
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
