And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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