Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
