What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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