I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
