His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
