and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
