i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
