I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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