I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Randomize
