I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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